Tuesday, August 17, 2004

8 ways to make the olympics watchable on NBC and MSNBC...

Tucker Maddox
1. Ban Americans from competing in all swimming and track events.
Dammit everytime I turn on NBC (new bullshit coverage) and MSNBC (more shitty new bullshit coverage) I either see someone running or someone swimming/diving...being a man I prefer sports that involve either taking someone down, or a ball of some sort.

2. Stop giving me the sob story about how little Johnny grew up in a small time to become the nation's favored hope for a gold medal in the men's [enter retarded event here]...All that time you're wasting on that bullshit I could be watching table tennis or volleyball.

3. Don't cut to commercial in the middle of a rally, fast-break, heated fighting, and/or game/match/set point for any event.

4. Learn from BRAVO and show sports like Handball, soccer, boxing, etc so that viewers not wanting to see bullshit swimming or tennis or even gay ass men's volleyball can see something interesting.

5. Show other countries...Yeah I'm an American but I know that America sucks at most other sports that other nations play. Look at Basketball...We're supposed to have dominated but we have the only team to EVER lose an Olympic game, representing our country. Thanks guys...

6. No male crotch close-ups...More and more as I watch the Olympics I notice that the cameraman zooms in on a crotch. Not a camel toe or an ass of a hot chick, no its a close-up of a male gymnast's package. I don't know about the other guys watchin' but that's getting ridiculous *no pun intended*.

7. Titties...I know there have got to me more bitches with titties that are bouncin out there, can we not zoom in on these?

8. *UPDATE 2:45am AZ time* After watching the Olympics for another hour I noticed that MSNBC FINALLY aired field hockey and not a homo sport like synchronized pocket pool and I was reminded of something I forgot that would make the coverage Oh so sweet...Whenever the ref/umpire/official blows the whistle for something, tell us what the fuck it was for. I watched handball last night and I don't know the rules for that shit it was just more interesting to watch than swimming. Everytime the whistle blew I had no fuckin' clue why, and now its the same shit with field hockey. Why are they fuckin blowin the whistle?