Saturday, July 17, 2004

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARIO!!!!!!!!!!!

Tucker Maddox
Well it's about fucking time you turn 21 man...Today, well yesterday I should say was my good friend Mario's 21st birthday so of course you know we had introduce him to the bar life, and introduce him we did. Mario lives way off in BFE (Butt fuck egypt) a good 2 hour drive from the most northern point of the city I live in. 8 beers and two hours later he calls us to let us know he's now in town and the night is about to get started. Oh man I have a fuckin headache...We took Mario downtown to Maloney's and ordered a round of pints for everyone. I think I need to fill you in a little on Mario's stats here: 5'4, 145 maybe, MEXICAN, and I forgot to mention not a heavy drinker. I'd say after about half of that first pint Mario turned Chinese on us and started squinting when he talked. Everyone by now is plastered with anywhere from 11-14 beers in them with the exception of Mario, but that pint was basically 6 beers to him instead of 3. He finishes the pint...At fucking last he's done so now we can order some more. MCD, the Jagermeister drinkin alcoholic sponge, orders a round of Jager shots. If you've never had Jager before you're not missing anything. To me it's black antifreeze mixed with black licorice candy mixed with road tar. Fucking disgusting...If you like Jager you're probably the type to peek back in the toilet after pinchin a loaf to check color and consistency. Again fuckin disgusting...So now I have roughly a 12 pack and now a shot of satan's piss in my gut, everything's fuckin hilarious to me now. Matt trips on a step, Fuckin HILARIOUS, I piss on the toilet seat in the bathroom FUCKIN HILARIOUS, none of that shit was that funny but damn Jager fucked me in half. After a good 30 mins later we decided Mario hadn't had enough to drink *note 1 pint and a shot of Jager* so again we order a round of beers for us all. Now we're gettin' somewhere. Mario not only is squinting but can't remember his last name which is hard as fuckin hell to pronounce anyways. Something like Aravalliaga...Try that shit 3 times fast. He can no longer hold his head up, no longer speak without breaking up into laughter, and anytime we walked around he would get lost in the crowd. I'm fucked in half everyone's fucked in half, but Mario, no he's got me beat. I would tell you more about the night and Mario's fuckin awesome birthday we had for him, just I can't remember shit right now and after one more pint of beer and the drive home I really don't remember shit. Happy Birthday Man!!