Thursday, July 01, 2004

10 things that could have made Spiderman 2 an interesting movie.

Tucker Maddox
1. More ass kicking and less web-swinging, web swinging is cool when you're kicking ass in mid-air but not because you're depressed.
2. Hire a prettier Mary Jane. Kirstin Dunst? Why not Ally McBeal or Mary-Kate Olsen? Same weight but muuuuuuch prettier.
3. Make Mary Jane more outgoing and have people ask her name. "Ask me again I'll tell you the same."
4. Combine traits from "The Mask" with Spidey's mask to give the movie at least one comedic scene.
5. MJ wears a dress most of the movie, its windy the entire movie, yet not one shot of the undies. There's something wrong with an action movie with no action.
6. More web moves when he's kicking ass. If I wanted to see punches and kicks I'd watch a Steven Seagal or Jet Li movie. Spidey's...well, a spider dammit.
7. Venom
8. Spidey clones out to kick Spiderman's wimpy ass.
9. Less mushy gushy bullshit at the end, we came to see Spider Man not the ending to Lord of the Rings: Return of the King.
And Finally...
10. More porn, dammit not one titty, ass shot, or flash of chonies. We saw Peter Parker's titties but not hers. Definitely something wrong with that.