Wednesday, June 23, 2004

Weapons of Matt's Destruction.

Tucker Maddox
George W. is lookin in the wrong spot for these WMD. No no they are NOT in Iraq nor in Iran. No these WMD reside here in America, up my friend Matt's ass. "Oh dear GOD that was evil", that was all I could think of as I was clinging to the window for dear life. It all happened once we had left the mall and were on our way back to my house. The words everyone knows to mean "imminent danger" were then uttered by my friend: "I don't feel so well, my stomach is killin me." Immediately I scooted about another two inches closer towards the window knowing that at any second it may get ugly. He slowly lifted his leg off of the seat, and as if we were in a movie, everything started going in slow motion. Unfortunately unlike in the movies there were no foley artists nor sound bytes to fake the sound. No no folks, this was the real deal. I waited for the thunderous rumble of an upset stomach fart, and was pleasantly relieved when he set his leg back down on the seat without a sound. For a brief second as everything was still in slow motion I felt relieved and a calming feeling came over me; and then it hit me...Like a silent ninja it crept up on me and strangled me. I couldn't breathe, think, nor see and nor could I move. With some evil incantation muttered from his ass he put a spell on me. I finally mustered up enough strength to get my head out the window. Bad move. As the air escaped from inside the car, the weapons of Matt's destruction followed. My nose seemed to be the preferred storage place. That evilness ran right back up my nose and infiltrated my brain cells. Tears came to my eyes as I contemplated opening the door and stepping out while the car was still moving. Weapons of mass destruction are right here in America folks. Weapons of Matt's ASS destruction, is the full term for it. Somebody pray for him, and call an exorcist..