Wednesday, June 30, 2004

Best Buy Masturbation

Arnold Schwollenpecker
So I'm sitting here wondering what my first ever post should be. And then it hits me, Masturbation at Best Buy. May just very well be the type of story you would view on the twilight zone. This strange occurrence happened on one of my many trips to Best Buy. IM strolling through the dvds looking for some new killing movies. After choosing all the movies I was to purchase that day I decided to kill some time by just walking cluelessly through out the entire store. Looking at the big screens, then the new dvd players, and then seeing if any new killing games came out. After being highly disappointed by the amount of bullshit trying to be passed off as killing games, I proceed to wander to the blender section. Now I am, as thoroughly confused as you are and wondering why the fuck am I heading to the blender section. To this day I am still baffled by the sudden magnetic type pull the blender section had on me. As I proceeded to the blenders the hairs on the back of my neck began to stand up, like they only do when my animalistic instincts reach a new height of sexual arousal. As I approached the new blend-o-matic 2005 I felt a great pressure build up in my loins. This was quickly followed the almost overwhelming urge to just whip my shit out and start flogging the hell out of my log. I mean I often get sexually aroused inside of Best Buy, I mean what guy doesn't, but this was beyond any type of sexual urge I have ever had. The feeling that controlled my body, was that of a little kid waking up on Christmas Day at 3am just to open up 1 gift. IM sure what will baffle scholars for many generations to come is not my urge to have sex but the urge to pleasure myself. In fear of being banned from Best Buy for being in full salute of the blenders I quickly rushed home and relieved myself of any unneeded stress I had been feeling that day. Very strange. This feeling has never happened to me again. But I fear one day, just maybe one day it will hit me again. I can only pray for the inner strength to deny my urges in fear of hitting some little tike in the eye.